Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Finding Time

So admittedly starting a blog when you are in the middle of a move and your boss leaves you in charge for two weeks on short notice is not a great idea.  Luckily we are now in our new home - though there are a ton of boxes to unpack and the boss is back so I can breathe a little at work now.

I can find time to write a few words but I find myself feeling guilty about the lack of time I have spent with my little guy and my husband over the last week.  We moved on Friday and my parents were happy to take Jax Thursday night so that we could organize all the last minute details of the move.  Friday morning Hubby picked him up and brought him home so that he could see the moving truck, but then headed off with him to drop him off at my in-laws for the day while he went to the new place to meet up with service people and delivery folk.  I stayed home to direct the movers.

Friday evening my wonderful in laws brought supper over for us, and brought Jax with them, but the move took longer then we had anticipated so they took Jax back to their place for another sleepover - this time with the other grandparents.  His bed was not yet set up at our new place.  They came back again on Saturday to help out and I did get to spend some time with Jax then, but of course we were busy as bees trying to put furniture together and unpack the essentials in the house.

I love my parents, and Hubby's parents as well.  I don't know what we would do without either set of them.  They are wonderful with Jax and always willing to help us out.  I worry that sometimes we take advantage of their generosity too much.  This leads me to feel guilty about how much time I am willing (or wanting?) to spend away from Jax.  Granted, this past weekend was an aberration and I think Jax was likely much happier with his grandparents than he would have been with me, but on the whole I really enjoy evenings out and the odd weekend away without a toddler around.  I know he's in good hands while I'm gone, and I barely give it a second thought.  It isn't until I get back that I start to wonder if something's wrong with me that I didn't miss him the way I "ought" to have.

My sister does not have the same support network as I do.  She lives in another province from all her family members and thus it is extremely rare for her to spend even a single night away from her two girls.  When she does, it is almost always for work related reasons and her husband is still there with the kids.  I imagine the two of them can count on one hand the number of nights they have both been away from the girls at the same time.  They have a five year old and a two year old.  Despite that, when they do have the opportunity to have a little alone time, they still often don't cash in on it.  They'll go out for dinner, but when my parents are out there visiting and suggest that they go to a hotel for the night, they'll decline more often then not.  I'm not sure what makes us so different in that regard, I'm quite happy to jump on those opportunities, no matter how often they will present themselves, but I wonder if I should be wanting to spend every second I can with Jax.  He really is a delightful child, with the most easy going personality you can find in a two year old and the best sleeping habits one could hope for.  I'm spoiled rotten in more than one regard.

It is mornings like this morning that I start to think long and hard about my ability to be apart from him.  He has seen little of me (compared to normal) in the past week.  Usually I'd spend every evening with him with the exception of maybe two nights a month, as well as all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  This past weekend I spent almost no time with him from Wednesday when I put him to bed to Saturday evening when he finally got to sleep in our new place.  Sunday was also a bit of a gong show with unpacking and various visitors, then Monday was back to daycare.  Now on Wednesday we are both feeling the strain.  The first words out of his mouth this morning were "It's no daycare day today.  It's Mommy-Jackson day."  He was smiling broadly when he said it.  Words to melt your heart, but sadly he was mistaken.  It is daycare day.  I have to go to work.  Tomorrow too.  I'd really like to do something really fun with him on Friday, which is my normal day off with him, but I'm afraid life will get in the way.  We will spend the whole day together, but there are so many stupid little errands that need to be done.  Hopefully he'll be happy with just being with me and spending some time at the park and going for a walk in addition to grocery shopping.  Poor kid.  Despite all the chaos we really need to book some time just for our little family.  I wonder if Hubby would be interested in a camping (or hoteling) weekend in the mountains.

No comments: