Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Not a blogger

I am a terrible blogger.  Wow.  I think of things I would like to randomly rant about all the time, but am simply too lazy to actually post about them.  Then I forget what was so important that I wanted to write about.  Boo.

So instead I will write a random compilation of what I've been up to the last little while.  Jax and I went to visit family in Ontario for 10 days, which was awesome.  So great to see everyone and catch up.  There were a ton of kids running around and the house was overflowing it was so full of people.  Wonderful, but I came back thinking that I needed three more days off just to recover.  Jackson is still talking about riding horses and tractors though.  He also wouldn't take off his socks in 30 degree (Celsius) weather.  Not even for swimming in the pond.

Our little family of three also wend on a two night excursion to the mountains.  Absolutely phenomenal!  We went to Banff and stayed at the Douglas Fir Resort, which is a great spot for young families.  Two pools areas, one with two good sized water slides (and a hot tub for the grown ups) and a huge indoor playground.  We made several trips to each during our stay.  We even managed to get the socks off the kid for water sliding.  Jax also got to ride on his very first Gondola to the top of Tunnel mountain and got a huge kick out of it.  We hiked up to the old weather station from there and did a second hike through Grotto Canyon.  At three, Jackson made Mom and Dad very proud with his stamina and attitude throughout the whole trip.  He even let us have a relatively peaceful fondue dinner at a great place called the Grizzly House.  He ate bread and didn't participate much, but didn't complain either, so I consider it a win.  He perked right up for the last course though - chocolate fondue!  It was the best family weekend I can remember having, and I have to remind myself to do things like that more often.  Two wonderful days can recharge the batteries as much as an expensive week long holiday further afield.

Lastly, I feel I must acknowledge that I remain, sadly, not pregnant.  My due date for the baby I miscarried is just two days away, and I can't help but feel I'm missing something.  My thoughts drift to the fact that I should no longer be working, I should be on maternity leave.  I should be packing and repacking a hospital bag.  I should be preparing our nursery (and we do have one fully set up if not stocked with clothes - it's a constant reminder).  I could even be holding a little one in my arms.  Canadian Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend and I have a lot to be thankful for and I try to remind myself of this every day, but as I'm serving up turkey this year (to 20+ people converging on our house - not quite sure how that happened) I'm sure that there will be some strong feelings of regret as well.  Most people there don't even know I was pregnant, but I have no illusions to the fact that they will all be monitoring my alcohol intake and making their own judgments.  Maybe next month, though having gone through a D&C, I'm now wondering if maybe I'm in that small minority where the procedure causes fertility issues.  It never took me more than a couple months to get pregnant before.